this blog post is inspired by this episode of the podcass. listen here!

notice negative self-talk

If you’re trying to be more compassionate towards yourself, it’s important to pay attention to when your inner voice takes a turn to negative. simply noticing is the first step! so really pay attention to what is altering your mood. When our mood is altered, negative things may be happening to or around us, is that when the negative self-talk kicks in?

Noticing – awareness – will give us power to change what comes next.

get curious

When you find yourself in a state of stress or the self-talk isn’t so nice, take a step back and look at the situation from a 30,000 foot view. what happened? did something happen at work? are you waiting to hear from someone who hasn’t gotten back to you? getting curious about what is happening will allow us to stop the judgment, and have some compassion for whatever is going on.

you don’t feel this way for no reason, so take a moment to tune into what is happening and what caused you to start talking to yourself this way.

breathe through tough emotions

When we are stressed – we are inevitably going to ride the waves of frustration, sadness, anxiety, etc. That’s just the experience of being a human. Don’t run from these feelings (no matter how hard you want to!) and breathe through them.

Here’s a playlist to lean on during these moments. Grab your headphones and take a breather. I also like to meditate to process tough emotions, here are some tips to building a solid meditation practice.

adjust your expectations

The feeling of stress inhibits our typical capacity – try to remember that and adjust your expectations of yourself accordingly.

If you only have 40% to give and you are giving 100%, let that be enough. focus on what you CAN accomplish versus shaming yourself for what you’re not getting done. it’s not weak to be having a hard time. to lean into the more self-compassionate route, it’s important to to know what is realistic based on how you’re feeling and honor that. if you only make the bed and get dressed today or don’t do either, it’s okay.

take small comfy breaks

If you have a full day of work/life/meetings/whatever, you can still show up for yourself in micro-ways. Taking 5 minutes to stretch, make a little matcha, or even go for a walk to get a special drink and sit in the sun is going to reset your nervous system.

Most of us don’t have longer periods of time in any day of the week to dedicate to resetting our nervous systems so we have to find micro-moments in the busy days to reset and feel loved on.

talk to a friend or write it out

Verbalizing our feelings helps us release built up negative emotions. It can help release the positive ones, too!

Writing helps us privately process challenging shit. Your friends might not have the space to take on what you might need/want to dump on them so using a tool like writing helps you get it OUT without putting it on anyone else.

Having good friends to talk to about your stress will help too because when you are honest about what you are going through, conversing with them and seeing them have compassion for your challenges will likely give you some permission to have compassion towards yourself.

affirmations to write or read out loud:

• I am worthy of my own compassion and care.

• My feelings are valid and important.

• I give myself permission to rest and recharge.

• I forgive myself and allow my inner light to guide me.

• I am enough, just as I am.

• I release judgment and embrace my humanity.

befriend yourself

Think of what you’d do if you heard your bestie was having a tough day. would you get them a little care package, bake them cookies, send them funny gifs, or invite them over to watch a movie? whatever the thing is that came to your mind, flip it towards yourself.

becoming your own best friend – the best friend you’ve ever known – will carve new neural pathways towards automatic self-compassion. can you take care of yourself and love on yourself better than any of your friends do? that’s how it should be!

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If you’re judging yourself for having a hard time, please know that all emotions deserve equal space to be held. There are no such things as good and bad emotions.

We might be pressuring ourselves to feel certain ways, but learning to recognize that the eb and flow of emotions is a part of being a human is a first step towards being more compassionate towards ourselves — which makes stressful days easier to cope with and overcome.

You’re doing the best you can. ❤️